Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 40, WAY over 40 or hovering near 40) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions.
Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
And last, but not least . . . my personal favorite:
13. Thongs and Depends
Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.
Little Hebert was in science class and da teacher axe him, "Hebert, if you are out in space and in a vacuum, will you be able to hear me if I call out your name?"
Hebert say, "Well teacher, is it on or off?"
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof !!! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river." Poof !!! God gave him a rowboat, strong arms, and strong legs. He was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "God, please give me the strength, the tools, and the intelligence to cross this river."
Poof !!! He was turned into a woman . . . She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up the stream, and walked across the bridge.
Boudreaux and Marie were sitting on their front porch on their 50th anniversary, when suddenly, Marie picks up her walking cane and wops Boudreaux across his shins!!!
Boudreaux cries out in pain and yells, "Whooooo Boy Marie, why for you did dat ?!?"
Marie tells him, "Dat's for fifty years of bad sex!"
A few minutes later, Boudreaux picks up his cane and wops Marie across her shins.
Marie screams at Boudreaux, "Why for you hit me like dat !?!"
Boudreaux says, "Dat's for knowin' da difference cher !!!"
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the man cave.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!
And the #1 reason why God created Eve . . .
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that !!!"
An RV owner driving his motorhome got hopelessly bogged down in an unexpectedly muddy hole along a dirt road down near the Mermentau Boat Launch. After a few minutes, a old cane farmer (guess who) drove by on his tractor and offered to pull the motorhome out of the mud for only $50.
After the motorhome was back on dry ground, the RV owner said to Boudreaux as he paid him, "Man, at that fair price, I bet you're pulling vehicles out of this mud both day and night."
"Mais no, not at night cher," replied Boudreaux. "At night I got to haul water down to dis hole."
Returning home from work, Boudreaux was shocked to find his house ransacked and burglarized. He telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Boudreaux ran out on the porch to meet them, but then shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog. He then sat down on the steps looking extremely exacerbated.
Putting his face in his hands, Boudreaux moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. Den, I call the police for help, and what do dey do? Dey send me a BLIND policeman."
The Sheriff pulled up next to Boudreaux, who was unloading garbage out of his pick-em-up truck into a ditch out in da parish.
The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in this ditch!?! Don't you see that sign right over your head you couillon?"
"Yep," Boudreaux replied. "Dat's why I'm dumpin' it here mon ami !!! It say: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage' "