Boudreaux and Marie attended a family reunion last weekend. Boudreaux, as usual, made a fool out of himself at the food table.
Marie, after a while, jumped Boudreaux's case, asking him, "Ain't you embarrased for youself? You done been to da food table five times already couyon!"
Boudreaux says, "Mais no Cher. Me, I'm not embarrass at all cher. I jus' tells everybody dat I'm refilling your plate."
Eighty-seven year-old Boudreaux went to his doctor for his annual checkup. After he was finished, the doctor asked Boudreaux a few routine questions, one of course being, "And how is your love life?"
Boudreaux tells him, "Oh, it's not too bad no Doc. Marie, she ain't too interested no more, but I manage to pick me up a fresh one every now and den. Last week I made love wit tree young women, none of dem over turdy years old!"
The doctor commented, "Boudreaux, at your age, you better be careful. I hope you are taking some precautions."
Boudreaux tells him, "Mais sure Doc, I take precautions. I don't gives none of dem my real name!"
"Tee" Boudreaux was having a bad day at the farm, and finally told Boudreaux and Marie, "I'm tired of dis farm life. I wants to travel, see da world, have excitement and adventure, make money, and have lots of beautiful women. I'm leaving, and don't y'all try to stop me!"
And that being said, Tee headed for the door. Boudreaux gets up and follows him. Tee said, "Didn't you hear me? I told you not to try and stop me!"
Boudreaux says, "Mais cher, I'm not trying to stop you. If you'll give me a minute to gets my hat, I'm coming wit you!"
Boudreaux and Marie's 25th wedding anniversary was coming up and Boudreaux suggested, "Cher, let's do something special for our anniversary. We don't never go nowheres. Why don't we go to Las Vegas ?" Marie agreed that would be nice.
When they got to their hotel, a gorgeous young lady came up to Boudreaux and was being very "friendly" toward him. He just turned and walked away from her.
Marie tells him, "Boudreaux, dat wasn't nice of you. Why you acted dat way to dat girl?"
Boudreaux says, "Marie, dat was a lady of da night."
Marie says, "Mais, what makes you tink dat ?"
Boudreaux says, "Let's go up to da room, an' I'll prove it."
They go upstairs, and Boudreaux calls the front desk and asks to have the girl sent up to the room. He tells Marie to hide in the bathroom and listen.
A couple of minutes later, there is a knock on the door, and Boudreaux lets the girl in. He asks her, "How much do you charges, cher?"
She says, "$150.00 for the basics, and another $100.00 for the 'extras'."
Boudreaux tells her, "Whooee, dat's alot. I was tinking more like $25.00 for everyting."
The girl laughs at him and says, "You must be a real redneck. Forget it !!!" and she leaves.
Marie comes out of the bathroom saying, "Poo-yie, I wouldn't of believed it. Anyways, I'm hungry, let's go downstairs and eat."
While they're sitting in the restaurant, the call girl walks by their table, and looking at Marie, tells Boudreaux, "See what you get for $25.00?"
Reverend Boudreaux just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made for him.
The first Sunday came and he only preached 10 minutes during the worship service.
The next Sunday rolled around and he preached only about 20 minutes this time.
But, on the third Sunday after the new dentures, he preached for 1 hour and 25 minutes!! This made for quite a long Sunday morning service.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:
"The first Sunday, my gums were so sore, it really hurt to talk."
"The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot, so all I could do was a 20 minute sermon."
"The third Sunday, I had accidentally grabbed my wife, Marie's dentures . . . and I just couldn't stop talking!"
Well, once again, Boudreaux comes home very drunk. He gets in, falls down, and breaks the coffee table. He then vomits all over, and rolls out all sprawled on the floor. Marie pulls him up, and proceeds to clean up everything.
The next morning when Boudreaux wakes up, he fully expects Marie to be really angry with him. He prays that they would not have too big of a fight this time.
He then finds a note near his night stand: "Boudreaux mon cher, you favorite breakfast is ready on da kitchen table for you. Me, I had to leave early to go make groceries. I'll come running back home to you as soon as I can, my love. I love you. Marie"
Of course, Boudreaux gets very surprised by the nice tone of this note. He asks his son, T-Boud, "Mais cher, what happened last night when I gots home?"
T-Boud said, "Momma pulled you to da bed and den tried to take off you boots and you shirt. You was dead drunk and you hollered 'Hey Lady !!! Leave Me Alone !!! I am a happily married man me !!!' "
Now dat's true love mon cher ;-)
What in the world is going on here?” said a very angry man storming into the florist shop that my cousin Marie owned. “I just lost one of my main clients and it’s all your fault!”
“Why don’t you calm youself down just a little bit cher” said my cousin to her irate customer, “and let me know what xactly happened mon ami.”
“Well,” said the man “My biggest client moved to a new location, and to be nice, I called y'all up and asked you to send him some flowers with a note saying 'Good luck in your new location.' He calls me up and says to me 'What the heck is your deal with sending me a spray of flowers with a banner that says 'Rest in peace?' "
The angry man continued, "And now you don't even act a bit concerned at all?!?”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Marie, “I'd sure show a lot more concern cher, except now I'm tinking about da reaction of my customers in da funeral home with you flowers saying, 'Good luck in your new location!' "