Roger Paul

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Early Christmas Prep

It was da fort of July, and Boudreaux and his fren, Thibodeaux, dey was talkin' bout gettin' dem an early start on Christmas dis year. Dey decide dat dey boat want dem a real live Christmas tree for dis commin' Christmas.

So . . . dey woke up at 5 a.m. da next morning, and den drive about 2 hours to some woods dey knew had some good trees. Dey end up being dere in da woods for about 6 hours !!!

Finally, Boudreaux tells his fren Thibodaux, “We gonna cut da next Christmas tree we see wedder it has lights on it or not cher!”

Deputy Boudreaux

A city lawyer runs a stop sign down in Cajun country and gets pulled over by Deputy Sheriff Boudreaux. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense . . .

Deputy Boudreaux says, "License and registration, please."

City lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at da stop sign ."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "Da difference is, you have to come to a complete stop! Dat's da law. License and registration now, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not you let me go and no ticket."

Deputy Boudreaux says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

The Stowaway

Boudreaux walked out to the dock, only to find a beautiful blonde woman, standing there, crying. He said, "Mais cher, what's wrong?"

She said, "I don't have anything to live for. I'm gonna throw myself into the water and kill myself."

Boudreaux said, "Oh, don' do dat. You a beautiful woman and you have plenty to live for. Tell you what. I'm gettin' ready to get on dis boat and go to Europe. I'll sneak you on and will take care of you and we can be happy together." So, Boudreaux snuck his stowaway on board, and hid her in a lifeboat.

For weeks, every day he would take her 3 square meals, making sure she was taken care of, and every night he would slip into the lifeboat with her and they would make love.

One day, the Captain discovered the woman, and asked her what she was doing there. She answered, "One of your crew members, a wonderful man, has been taking care of me, feeding me, and making love to me. He is taking me to Europe with him on this boat.

The Captain replied, "Cher, I'm sorry to tell you, but this is the Chalmette ferry."

Dear Pastor

The following are actual questions written to pastors from children around the world.

Yes, you can tell these in church :-)

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix

Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany

Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota

Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City

Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens

Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville

Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron

Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston

Sunday School Lesson

A Sunday School teacher in charge of several Cajun preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Little Hebert raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Lil' Clotile was called on and answered, "He's in my heart.

Little Boudreaux, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know!  He's in our batroom!!!"

The whole Sunday School class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked T-Boudreaux how he knew this.

T-Boud said, "Well . . . every morning, my daddy gets up, bangs on da batroom door, and yells, 'Good Lord, are you still in dere !?!' "

Lotto Winnings

Two of my Cajun cousins, Hebert and Fontenot, were waiting at a bus stop yesterday when a truck went by loaded up with huge rolls of turf.

Fontenot said "I'm gonna do dat me when I win da lottery and get rich yea!"

"What's dat you gonna do cher?" asked Hebert.

"Send da lawn off to be mowed." 

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