Da Blind Man
Clotile was taking a shower one day and she heard the door bell ring. She yelled "Who dat is?"
The person ringing the door bell yelled, "I'm da blind man."
So Clotile got out of the shower and wrapped her hair in a towel. She didn't bother using up another towel to put around herself because the person at the door was blind.
She opened the door and said, "What can I help you wit cher?"
The man said, "I'm here to install you new blinds."
Adam Makes a Deal
God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone in the world while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well.
He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you are my greatest creation, and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot, and she will obey your every command."
God continued, "She will be very beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg."
Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "Lord, what do you think I can get for a rib?"
Reverend Boudreaux was on fire Sunday morning at worship service. He was completing a temperance sermon and with great expression and vivid animation as he exclaimed, "If I had all da Jax beer in da world, I'd take it and trow it all in da river mes amis."
With even greater emphasis and arms reaching toward the heavens he proclaimed, "And if I had all da wine in da world me, I'd take it and trow dat in da river too."
And then finally, he emphasized quite loudly, "And if I had all da Jack Daniels whiskey in all da world, I would definitely take dat stuff and trow it all in da river rat now."
Finally, somewhat out of breath, Brother Boudreaux turned away from the congregation and sat down as if to catch his breath.
The song leader, Brother Thibodeaux, then stood up very cautiously walked to the pulpit.
He then announced, with a very wryly smile, "For our closing song dis morning, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at da River."
Tee Boudreaux is 24 years old and still living at home. Boudreaux and his wife, Marie, are starting to worry a bit about what their boy is going to do with his future.
Boudreaux tells Marie, "Cher, let's do a little test. We goin' to put a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of booze on da table . . . and when Tee Boudreaux comes in, we gonna be able to figure out what he's gonna do."
"If he takes da ten-dollar bill, he's gonna be a business man. If he picks up da bible, he's gonna be a preacher. But, if he picks up da booze, I'm afraid he's gonna be a bum da rest of his natural life."
So, Boudreaux and Marie put all the stuff out and hid in the closet when they heard Tee coming in. Tee walks by the table, stops, picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, and puts it in his pocket.
But then, he picks up the bible, flips through it for a while, and proceeds to put it under his arm.
And finally, Tee also picks up the bottle of booze, takes a healthy swig out of it, and walks off with the rest of the bottle!
Boudreaux and Marie were watching all of this through the keyhole on the closet door.
Boudreaux sighs big and says, "Mais Cher, it looks like our son is gonna be a darn politician !!!"
Boudreaux & Marie were walking through the town square the other day, when they spotted a wishing well. Boudreaux throws a penny down the well and makes a wish.
Marie decides to try it too. She leans over to throw her penny in, but falls into the well and drowns.
Boudreaux exclaims, "Whoooo Boy, it works !!!"
The phone rang at the State Police office the other day, and the desk sergeant answered to hear an obviously intoxicated Boudreaux saying, "Somebody done broke into my car an' stole everyting! Dey done took da dashboard, da steering wheel, da brake pedal, and even da accelarator. Send somebody, quick."
Before the sergeant had a chance to dispatch a Trooper, the phone rang again. It was Boudreaux.
He says, "Never y'all mind, Mr. Trooper. I had got in da back seat by mistake."
Boudreaux traveled home from da Amtrak train station feeling kinda sick. He told Marie (his wife) “Ten hours riding backwards, ah could never stand dat too good no me.”
Marie axes him, “Mais, how come you didn’t ax da one sitting across from you to just switch seats cher?”
Boudreaux said, “Mais, ah couldn’t do dat me . . . dere was nobody sitting dere!"
Boudreaux and Marie, dey been so happily married for a long time yea, but dey have sum very different interests.
Boudreaux him, he like to play golf, and Marie her, she like to ro-day (spend time on the road) and pass all her free time at da antique auctions.
Last night, Boudreaux him, he was dreaming and cried out “Fore”.
Marie was also dreaming and she screamed out “Four fifty”.